The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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