Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
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i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
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It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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