I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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