Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
i think i just lost a toe
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
