i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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