Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
