I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
