I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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