Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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