Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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