Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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