You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
