I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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