i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
