Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
