So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
