literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
