Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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