hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
