1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize