i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My vagina is officially offended.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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