I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
