why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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