my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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