She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
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I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
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Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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