How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
