I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
