We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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