every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
