We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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