we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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