I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
