i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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