I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Someone came in the potted fern
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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