He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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