Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
