I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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