Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
