I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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