wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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