cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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