Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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