Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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