Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Farmville is her only friend.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
