he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
