direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
