I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
