I think im going to throw up on grandma
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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