Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
