shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
