Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
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You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize