Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house