I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.