I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT