2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
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i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
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He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?