Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
