how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?