I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.