i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
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Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize