I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
