so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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