"it" just moved
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
