apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize