So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
