Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
