i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
