Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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