Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Can you bring me the toilet please
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
