ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
