Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
