Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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