I wish my penis had an off switch
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
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