There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize