So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just cut my nipple shaving
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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