Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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