mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
