1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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