you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Be still, my beating vagina.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
