I think I am morally bankrupt
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
