remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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