so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
