also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
