My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You're like the curious george of whores
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
