Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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